Part 2 : Oh well, Walled Garden

The concept of ‘walled garden’ do extent beyond diamond, heels, handbags, overgrown shades and rings. And, material girl are easy to sniff. Put them in a six-week budget stint, and they flee like mosquito on Ridsect or mortein. Gold digger wouldn’t want to waste a single second of their ‘fabulous-young-age’ to poor budget-conscious guys. My mom was shocked to hear this: If you wanted to lead a happy marriage, put her on six MONTHS budget stint… six WEEKS is not enough!!! Mom’s advice is never taken lightly. She was the one who kept giving spirit to my dad when he was left jobless for almost a year during the Asian Economic Crisis in late 1997. My mom is a champion in surviving budget stint proposed by my dad. I was the one complaining why I kept getting lesser school allowance during the time.

Now, Malaysian economy has been in much better shape with rising per-capita and steady incomes. And artists in Malaysia never had to open celebrity corners anymore. They can lead their lavish life. Even normal people like you and me can have a lavish type-of-life. Do note, It’s the type of life that the guys live does influence the decision making process of the fairer sex when there are a few candidates. Having a jet-set life may make a boom which the girls might brag over to her friends and awe in fascination. The ooos… and ahhhs… accompanied with the human nature which envy and would want to have the privilege too. Especially young girls, they are restless. I used to remember in 2001 when hip-hop was as hot as newly baked rotiboy breads; all young people love this stuff. They’re the rising phenomenon. The in-thing. They wanted to be associated to it. And my incumbent girlfriend ( the one who taught me the meaning of couple ) also changed side choosing a B-boy she met during a hip-hop gala. One of my closest friends, a fellow Klub Solo, had his girlfriend ‘snatched’ by a skater boy in 2003, when this BMX-ing and skating were considered the uber-coolnesses of the time. There was nothing to take avenge. Obviously, this is no real person that whispers into their ear to abandon the relationship. With whom do we declare war? No, we can’t declare war with skating nor hip-hop, it’s a far too stupid decision to consider that which are far collectively superior. We are standing under the shadows of giant which outshines us a thousand times brighter. Simply said, young hearts are harder to contain.

“ If you can’t beat them, join them “

Culture - Yes, its actually possible to just simply go with the flow without fuss. We were in the late-teens, so should we act like one and do whatever teen does. Like a Malay word; lalang, referring to a tall grass plant which bends towards whichever direction the wind flows. Ironically, In those times, kids were more likely to be praise for following the flow rather than holding firm to be oneself. We could witness these phenomenon were rather ‘disposable’, starting with pop bandboy-ing, hip-hopping, skating, emo-ing, now, probably shuffling which will follow suit and dies off followed by other trends. As the loop continues, come to a point, which we felt that there are more important persuasion in life, and we tends to forget these jugular, and asked ourselves; boy, have I grown up?

What kind of control when virtually any person with modern broadband could just flirt on the vast social utility websites being offered by various sites. With SMS were given away free-of-charge like hacks sweet in restaurants. Forget social utility sites, how about the daily things that we did. The classic way of meeting people face-to-face through daily routine of going to shop, barber, sundry etc. etc.? The working environment such as classrooms, lecture class, tuition class, whatever class there is available? Definitely, there is no control over what, when, or will things around our girlfriend occurs.

Well-Connected - I speculated that guys with such a humongous contacts and huge network shall bring some fascination to girls. Someone which brings their girlfriend to certain function/events and has always, without failure find seats and audience to speak to, may seen as an impressive social network which the girl proud to belong to. The ‘walled garden’ may include making the girl as ‘angel of the society’, thrusts her into a situation where all eyes and ears were also onto her. Once again, she needs to feel like a princess at some point. Men can virtually cater that. Lessening the burden of the guy while he can spend time with his friends and mend other matters. This limelight given, made some sort of social enclave ( clique or call it whatever you want ) which seems like a presence of ‘army’ that watches the movement and interaction of the girl itself. Of course, faithfulness comes from feelings ingenuity, not enforced through these so-called social enclaves. While it may instill the seeds of fear, it may also gives the feeling of pride.

Move-to-the-groove - Last but not least, mobility. In a nation where car per citizen ratios are 3:4, it is slowly becoming a necessity that girl demanded/open-eyes/require/expect someone that has a vehicle to ease their daily mutual activities. Again, no girl would just speak out loud saying that car-less guys are just a poor prick risking herself to be labeled as material bitch. In contrast, some situation deem this as a stupid action for mobile-less men keep his eyes on a city-girl. Frankly speaking, I regard myself as a kampong boy. And I admit I do not have ample time to study city-girl body-lingos, taboos and secret chick language/protocols/signs/rules/law whatever thats featured in whichever magazine in guiding us to a perfect date. My words, too much data input shall jam a computer. Magazine tips shall confuse me, which shall overcloud my true nature.Again, style without substance is just plainly useless. Above all, it goes without saying.

Second-life - Of course, if a girl does not have a life outside their men, this is considered dangerous and pathetic to them. They will start getting clingy to their boyfriend just like some soap operas which the girl had nothing to do but coiled beside their boyfriend 24/7. A second-life on the other hand may be a nuisance since it may pass-on words which may be unpleasant to our ear. Hate it or love it, It will never cease to exist. Like an air-bag to slow down the impact of break-ups ( or penicillin for some bacterial infection ) , the ‘life-outside-men’ is vital to most girl. It’s a life outside the walled garden itself, which, could be much better or much worst. Of course, guys would like to score the latter one. Like a mother who effortlessly reminded their little child that the world outside home is savage and dangerous, yet, still allowed them to go out and mingle.

Finally, there may be a girl who implement walled garden onto their boyfriend. Perhaps simultaneously implement such things on each other. Girls who had more advantage and superiority than their boyfriend, no denying, it does occur. Its like perigi cari timba, which the girl who seek the boy. Its quite remote, rare, or in other sense; niche occurrence.Yet, visible.

Married couple such as parents do not have these ‘walled garden’ rule since marriage is something which is covered by law and religion. And marriage are bond that has been tested through high’s and lows for years. The Malaysian army for instance ( Tentera Darat as I’m clearly known ), has set of mandatory rules which pretty much discourage separation. The soldier who does separate from his wife has to give a certain cut ( 20% perhaps ) off his wage to be contributed to the ex-wife. Which for me, is a good way to tackle marriage problems by allowing both parties remained closely and communicate more to sort out the situation. Above all, this in-direct intervention helped couples to reconcile without third-party direct intervention.

Sympatique Tactic - Third party intervention is not necessarily a good thing. Everybody generally knows the ‘Sympatique Tactic’ in which either boy or girl frantically channeled their bad relationship story someone. With no clear intention ( while smartly blamed that love is blind ), they expect the listening end would eventually sympathize and love them leaving the current problematic relationship to wreck and rot. On the receiving end (especially boys), it’s a great opportunity to snatch a girl and stage a Coup d'état ( a hostile takeover ). Another possibility, they can be the ‘steroid’ for those weak-hearted which goes to cardiac-arrest and panic in the face of minor relationship problems. Trust me, it’s a frustration to have partner which knee-jerkly seek 3^rd party help out of minor problems.

Most people probably say: I’ am probably too bugged with these type of hectic problems, and he could not carry on and enjoy life ( any nodding heads? ). Its been a long way to go before a serious consideration, and eight years has been a very long time. There are lots thing to fix within myself. Virtually, I’m unable to offer a lavish ‘walled garden’ yet that may bring those ‘ooosss…’ and ‘ahhhss…’. Couple101 is a simple little-credit-hour subject to execute, yet, looking at the big picture, it has an intricate links with life, background, experience, family, culture and our pasts.

Once again, ‘walled garden’ is self-explanatory; it’s a way of striking a balance between freedom and control. Even the term walled garden may not be standard, yet, this ‘invisible rule’ happens to be everywhere and anywhere. Vows may be easily said, promises simply made and i-love-you’s are countless, still, do we believe that faithfulness comes out of osmosis without a force that regulates it?

( Faithfulness = Style + Substance )

To top it off, ever heard the stories of walled garden that is soo beautiful, bountiful and enormous, that it need no promotion, instead, surrounded with long ques? Yes, walled garden were mend to limit the movement of the people inside it, but there are stories of ‘walled gardens’ which were made to fend outside people from entering it…

Apologize to all people and to myself, probably, some of the remarks above has gone overboard.