Spice Girls, a relic of pop-culture for the 80’s baby. These girls have long broken up. But their lines: “If you want to be my lover, you gotta get wif my friends“, has got the brain juices flowing.
While flashing back neatly a decade into the past, I am looking forward to a big change in terms of relationship somewhere around October this year. At times, I have been preparing a rock solid foundation which I expect of sustaining a long term relationship rather than flings and scandals. I have to admit it, having short lived relationship is rather frustrating, time wasting and worthless in terms of experience. At normal pace, next October is simple date set to anticipate a big change.
There have been countless self reflection or rather post-mortems being done on why have I failed miserably in previous relationship. As I am committed to create a better and firmer relationship. Those horrible mistakes in the past shall not be something which I can easily regard as ‘Oh! I was young and dumb’, and start a brand new so-called clean slate for the newly found relationship.
Along the way, I have found things that I regretted for not doing or doing. There are miscalculations which had been the obvious reason that led to the collapse of relationships. There are threats and challenges which have not been handled with absolute caution. Time constraints and weaknesses which have been poorly compensate with something that is rather mutually beneficial. And the magic of relationship just enters into the pungent air of uncertainties and confusion before falling like durian luruh.
One of my weaknesses of which I had noticed is my affinity of striking things out in openly manner. For instance, if I disagreed with some of my girlfriend colleague, I shall voice it out or have shown it in somewhat noticeable ways. This type of thing have and often led to arguments which put my partner in a dilemma of jeopardizing the long made friendships or souring the sweetening couple mood.
So there I am with the proposed solution of ‘100/100’, in which I may not interrupt my girlfriend when she is meeting her girls and she will not be involved in any of my social circle gatherings. This is to ensure that she had 100% of space amongst her friends, which on my side I’ll have my share of time to enjoy with my friends too. Some conversation and PDA (public display of affection) can be a bit unsuitable and quirky for fellow friends, plus boys conversations is frankly dirtier than any could ever imagined. There are also concerns of ‘stolen attention’ during my presence amongst her friends. So, In this 100/100 way, I rather have a segregated friendship circles of mine and hers The other 100 would be the 100% absolute focus between each other when we dated without friendship matters coming along the way.
Surely, I am not a big proponent of friendship segregation, so do double standardizing of friends (top friends? Where do the un-top friends fit?) . Eventually, there will be a merge of these social circles, which will take place step by step without urge to rush.
No doubt friends can be very supportive in times when we need them. They understand us well. But there are subliminal ways of friends abusing this specialty when the girlfriend is highly dependent upon them. Perhaps, it has got to be a female trait of maintaining a good vibe around them; they would love to hear the nicest things said about them, so, in an event of which ,I, as a boyfriend, being heavily criticized the relationship might experience an uncomfortable position. I may be shied away or given a cooling-off period of dateless weeks. A collective anticipation amongst her friends to witness the relationship failed can be troublesome and unpredictable. The talks just slipped into the air, and turned out to be strong hope. Applying pressure on the guilt stricken girlfriend which is constantly losing side.
Some did it in a very faint manner of match-making our girlfriend with some guy. Like waiting bait to be captured by prey, the current relationship which eventually fall were ushered with celebration. I even witnessed a situation when a girl gets attached to a man when her friends kept calling this man a leng lui (handsome man in Chinese). This kind of talk cheers and boost up the confidence of a girl. Indeed, it can be real danger when used the opposite way. Surely friend-lover interest needs a skillful balancing act like a trapeze walker. We can just pray and hope, in the unexpected world of human behavior, her friends shall never neglect these support to a form of damage-inflicting blackmailing instrument.
There is nothing wrong for my future girlfriend to have lots of friends. I’ll be glad and would be very pleased to know each and every one of them. Its totally absurd to put someone on a leash, blinding or deafening them from hostile voices in the air. I personally belief, certain quarters of friends can provide support in situation argument happens. They provide a far of better channels for girlfriend to voice out their tribulations regarding relationship rather than ending up a relationship in a bitter third party sympathique tactic manner. I trust that a good friend listens and understands well, yet, there are limits of stories that shall encroach into the insecure public air.
Some relationships are subject to under a great deal of influence by friends/peeps/clique of our girlfriend. Worst come to worst; vital decision has to get their consent. Like a senate hall or something, all the words mentioned to your girlfriend have been illicitly passed to her friends in order to get the majority approval. How can we justify situation like these, when a relationship which are built on trust demands a certain level of secrecy has been broken. Until what level shall a person like me remained ‘accommodating’ towards the voices of these ‘intruders senate’ suggesting this and that? Do this and that?
2 comments:
it's in the 90's and not 80's ...
we were young and playful that period of time
VI,4G.R4 for P#14N
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