The Ego Strafe

“I’m Sorry”. This innocent word we were taught to say as early as pre-school is costing more these days.

Some may delve that “sorry” is a word used by someone that is powerless, weak or had no option. For instance, when someone met a sultan in all situation, then you will see them profusely asking for forgiveness. Even, at the very beginning of sentence they would start off with: “Ampun, beribu beribu ampun “ ( Apologize me, a thousand apology ). I did not have any hypnosis power to read into these people mind whether they are seeking apology because they had disobeyed royal protocols laid by the istana or broken any rules of religion or morals proclaimed by the God.

Through Islam perspective, forgiveness should be sought from Allah S.W.T. As we were thought that all mercy and forgiveness belongs to Him. As one of ninety-nine gracious names of Allah goes by Al-Ghaffar which in Arabic means the Ever Forgiving. The daily affair of our life is bounded by the rules fundamentals laid out by the Quran. A holy scripture that is being brought down to Prophet Muhammad for over the period of twenty two over years (22 years, 2months, 22days precisely). Being a wrongdoer means break any of these rules. Naturally, when you broke any rules, it made you viable and justified for punishment. When we say ‘sorry’, we are seeking to nullify these rules, In other sense, we seeking to brush aside the ruling, by promising that we won’t repeat again. So only God has the right to give the green light whether it is possible to brush aside, get exempted from the ruling. For all that, it shall remain the fair judgement to stipulate based on situation and condition that we faced. Wa’ullahualam.

While reminding myself and not being holier than thou, the above mentioned statement does not mean we should hinder ourselves from saying sorry amongst our friends, family or others and leave it to His Most Gracious Allah to judge. There are some portion in the teaching that regulates forgiveness amongst ourselves through conscience responsibility, rationality and morality. Although forgiveness is the absolute prerogative of His Most Gracious Allah.

Once my ustazah reminded that we should sought forgiveness from the victims of our wrongdoings while it is still possible to see them face to face. Failure to do so means that we had to bore the brunt of looking for them during the ‘final assembly’ day. A day which Allah rises those all of his creations from the dead and assemble them for ‘judgement’. She reinstated: “ Bukannya kecil padang mahsyar tu…”. Seeking a single person amongst the crowd of six billion people is no funny business. Even, we have trouble finding a missing kid in Malaysia 22million citizen alone with a synchronized effort.

Strangely, the mechanics of Karma at least never find its way here. As a young boy ( until now ), I am always reminded by wisdom rich old kampong folks and serban donning ustaz about the positions of those affected by our wrongdoings. “ Doa orang teraniaya itu sentiasa dimakbulkan Allah S.W.T “ ( The prayer of those suffering/affected/incapacitate by our wrongdoings shall be granted by His Most Gracious Allah ). From my interpretation, for instance, sorry it has to be politically related; If Anwar Ibrahim really finds himself being victim of a highly raunchiest slender during the 1998 allegation of sodomy, then, he may pray for Tun Mahathir hairs to falls off or his gums recede till he look ridiculous. But this kind of ‘what goes around comes around’ thing are open to such interpretation which made everyone talks like Madam Zorra.

If tomorrow, Tun Mahathir falls from a horse, people may interpret it as an omen which God responded to Anwars’ prayer. Even, last year Tun Mahathir admission into IJN can be interpreted as answered Anwars’ prayer. Yet, looking into different dimension, Tun Mahathir remaining fit, vocal and mentally sharp in his 80’s may be seen as Anwar mercy of not praying for his former boss for shameful downfall. Or indeed, Anwar has prayed and the omen is beginning to take its shape before the house of cards crumbles. Finally, Anwar might had really done those nasty stuff?. In short, yes, this kind of talk really branches out into various interpretations. I believe it has triggered the Cluedo inside your mind too.

Saying ‘sorry’ too many times also discredits us. Like a merit system on individual trustworthiness, the more you say sorry, it means you are prone to mistakes. And each time when you wanted to give a suggestions or opinion, you may be back-referenced to the amount of ‘sorries’ that you have pledged. Does saying sorry also means that we are incapable?. Perhaps, earlier on when it is devised that ‘sorry’ might be said by those who are weak is making sense. Due to social structure, wealth, popularity and influence, someone may be asking for apology and back-out after seeing to bleak outcome. Sorry may be for the losers? Maybe or perhaps?

Would sorry be the word for those who are weak and without option?

Some may assume saying sorry as a kind of drag. Saying sorry means the victim whom we seek forgiveness has some sort of bargain power, or at least criticize us. In the highly competitive world nowadays, everybody wanted to reach the zenith of success as quickly as possible without a long bereavement. We stumbled upon motivational mottos like “Never say no! Action is power!”, indeed, its good for us to have all these sorts of firm and assertive living mottos, yet, the zealot nature of some human being made them act like a racing horse on Super Sundays lottery strike. Eyes covered by a piece of rubbery leather so that it would not look elsewhere. Instead going forth as quickly as possible, completing the circuit no matter how crooked it may be. No matter how many shoulders and legs we may trip. Hell, it may become a stampede. Never says sorry, because it may cause a drag.

Ironically, life science mechanics mimics the actual physics. When we push something forth, friction will appear. In million of matters needed to be settled, saying sorry means giving the victim a bargain. It means time to listen to their frustration and keeping our heads low. Dragging costs time. Time means money. Courtesy should be sidelined. Sorry may be history.

In this very competitive world too, where citizens have become more aware of their rights, a simple sorry may be never enough. Malaysia, day by day is becoming more of a law/legal-concerned society. You called someone a katak, they would saman malu (defamation suit) you. And because you called someone a katak in front of a third party, the one you call katak may sue you for the lack of sleep he get due to the utter shame. Hell, you might end up paying for his wages which appeared as the katak is unable to go work because the employer thinks that the same way too. Worst, you end up paying his lawyer fee. The accumulated money resulted handsome slap of money on the face to shut the katak out. I always have a thought of having a pre-law girlfriend so that in the future, if everything goes smoothly, she may back me up when Malaysian becomes overtly assertive law-abiding society. Come to think again, if she turned the table around; can be real painful eh…?

In this competitive world, where most of the thing must be done in textbook way, people with professional practices like doctors, architects, accountants and lawyers are susceptible to being sued due to malpractice. Wrist being injected in wrong manner, and causes gangrene which leads to amputation. Buildings constructed with sub-standard low quality material collapse and injure people. I don’t really know how the other two can negatively affect the life of people they serve, yet, this all means a simple sorry has no value since people life has been deeply affected.

In my humble opinion, Sorry is a significant word, which usage has been limited due to the complexity of our rationality and judgment. Sorry can be looked through different lights. It means courtesy. It can also mean shame. Sorry can be a menacing word which keeps reminding us. Like: “better safe than sorry”