The Known Before

“ You are not the person I used to know before” is an extremely common reason to slip out of a relationship. A lame and blatantly cruel escapism which is similar to a men leaving out of a couplehood by meanly telling a girl: “ You’re Fat”

As usual, after a few weeks of break-up due to “Not the person You Used To Be” syndrome, you were left in the clouds of confusion and uncertainties. You tried to rationalize and doing quick flashbacks of how could the past be better than present? You brave yourself and reenter hell by confronting the problem face-to-face. Doing a quicky biopsy, you dialed your just declared ex-girlfriend number and asked her “ How was I when you used to know? ”

Too bad. There was no more magic in the conversation. The chirpy voice is no more there, in turn, you were given cold shoulder instead of first-class treatment. If your fuses blow, you might settle with nothing less than tragic.

Pardon me, Im not choosing sides of which gender is more righteous in this type scenario. Like we all know, during rainy days, everyone gets wet. Apparently, its got to be many different reason of why this kind of syndrome occurs. Mostly, I am well aware the failure to give a concrete reason but the knee-jerk urges to escape/abandon/betray a relationship made either male or female to tick-off with this lame and boring reasoning.

Why knee-jerk in wanting to abandon a relationship? There are good and bad reason. Of course, sensational counts brought the bad reason to light first. The involvement of third party can be primarily blamed. No doubt, the missing-shoulder-to-cry-on is like to a widely opened door of the Ali Baba cavern that contains loads of bountiful treasures. Chances are, the supportive and caring nature of third-party unintentionally or intentionally made them given the chances to get closer. In this hustle bustle world of where the are many things to catch up. Assignments and datelines crisis, why would a men lend their eyes, ear and concern to be a Michael Ong-esque messiah to hear tribulation of a female failing relationship? Surely the lure of intimacy and flings is what drive them?

Who knows? These people perhaps are honest bunch of people with a heart of a Samaritan to help and fix the broken pieces and let wheel of life rolls again. In that case, my statement above may be wrong and made me look like a negative thinker. Yet, too much had to be learned, as underestimating somebody whom popped out of nowhere to help the ailing relationship might turn the table around and gain benefit to themselves instead. In this light, I might be looked by people as someone incapable and weak in maintaining a relationship. Shameful. Decision traps are always around us to gladly cheer when we have failed to conceive a rock-solid solution.

You go too hard it may be wrong. You go too slowly, you might be wasted.

The You-Are-Not-The-Person-I-Used-To-Know-Before syndrome deemed us to be more intuitive in predicting the situation. Yet, our brains are not future prediction calculative machines which are able to make the right decision. Some made the right decision, but at a wrong time. Some made the right decision at the right time but at the wrong places.

Another reason why this easy-escapism say and leave YANTPiUTKB Syndrome would be the intolerance of either party to accommodate current changes. Like money, plants and animals, human grows. They went through various phase of life. Previously, you might be think its cool to listen to NSync, but now Arctic Monkeys is the uber cool music selection. Big Mac might be the largest burger you knew in life, not until Carls Jr. franchise came and change everything and might kill off McD like McD did on A&W in the early 90s.

If there are possibilities which we could save rooms to accommodate the different phase of life and changes that occurs. What I’ am implying is the abilities of oneself to become like a capacitors which able to differentiate the ‘low’ and ‘high’ voltages of companion vibes. Able to keep it when its too high, providing a cushion and release it to proper channels. Communication would be a great thing to do. We don’t want anybody to be lost in translation just because either one of the party were going too quick or too slow. We are scared communicate because communication means the revealing of our mortal weaknesses, which without guarantee may be big mistake if either one had decided to turn the table around. In this case, YANTPiUTKB reason is legitimately used.

I have to admit that I get very temperate/grumpy during submission weeks. We all are accustomed to last-minute work culture (which symptoms were never shown when I had a girlfriend as time calculated to have more spare times, seriously don’t laugh). Even the simplest of question of how to transfer a file from a folder to another would prompt a higher and aggressive intonation. Even simplest jokes may be regarded as cynical assaults. Same goes to a girl along their PMS. They tend to be more ‘prickly’, hit the wrong string and the tune just may being terribly disrupt. These are short term changes.

For long term changes, in which they occur and shows only after prolonged period of time, there are stories of which gets really subjective and mind boggling. Like a fungi that appeared out of cracks of a floor; the causes spanned down the historical record.

There are also changes which are not related at all with the relationship. Such as families influence; like breaking up of families and social influences; like the change of college means change of friends which may belong to different kind of interests yielding you to be a different person. It all incurred in the process of growth which is inevitable.

Yet during these phases of changes are vital if we stood still. It’s a sign that we are not arrogant and problem escapist, it’s a clear indication that we are willing to learn our partner emotional rhythm. And because we grow, we cannot possibly stop the cycle of growth. What am I today may be different from what I’ll be five years from now. May be worst and god willing may be better. Maybe I would be laughing my head off reading this blog in 2013 if God permits. Nothing is gained by hopping relationships, just a bit of ooh ahh-ing by people which knowing us for going in and out of love, for once, for twice and later people get bored by that.

Amazingly, our parents are living proof that humans have the ability to tolerate and survived the hi and lows of companionship for a long duration of time. Like what they may uttered ‘till death do us apart’, indeed, some of them may be educated in the busiest, funkiest and culture-forwarded cities and nation of the world yet still managed to maintain a very long relationship.