The Stepping

Kids, teen and adult. Like a rule of thumb, the stepping of 7,14,21 are the important ages of which every level, the treatment and relationship with parents took a drastic turn.

I used to listen to one tazkirah ( preach ) by an ustaz regarding family management ala kursus kahwin ( marriage course ). Ustaz was really serious at the time as his mood swings from light sarcastic to seriously sharp eye stare. I almost felt like a sharp beam of radioactive laser pierced through my retina as he stared at me and everyone else in the surau. He mentioned about the gift of child by god is a rahmat ( blessing) and we were given the amanat ( responsibility/accountability) to grow the child up into a useful and resourceful person. He simply referred a child has three stage of growth and each stage has its individual style

Lifting his thumb into the air, all of us stared at his thumb like he is going to cast sprites of Magical aura. Instead, he mentioned a thing which I still vividly remember till this moment:-

" Children, should be well taken care and given the attention he/she needed. At times, the children can be pampered accordingly. Do not hit them as they are too young to accept punishment as method of teaching. They should be fully guided and supervised in almost everything they do to avoid damaging mistakes”

Then, he raised his forefinger joining the thumb, he later explained: “ When a child has grown older, till his/her age made them eligible to perform prayer ( usually at the age of 7 for boys, when menstrual cycle start for girls ) , then, parents should teach them in a strict manner. A child at this age shall be hit or punished in whichever way as long as it does not cause injury or handicap. Advice should be given to them as much time as possible to ensure they internalize the moral and civic values which the family stood for all this while. Guidance and supervision is still given but gradually lessened to ensure learning has taken place. So does the environment of being pampered must be reduced to an intermediate/minimal amount “

Later, he proceed and lifted the middle finger in a combination of gapless three finger arrangement and says: “ Sampai takat ni, buat macam kawan saja la…” (At this level, then a parent shall treat their children as friends ). Everybody was either half nodding, full nodding or just looking at their friends followed by occasional laughter. It was a clear indication that at that level means any parents intervention on decisions, stance and thinking is ineffective or non-compulsory as at that age, rationality had reached to a maturity level. In short: Independence of thoughts.

It was on my 21^st birthday a month ago when my dad dropped by in KL. I fancied myself with the ‘best meal in the world’ at a hotel in Jalan Sultan Ismail, when dad mentioned something ‘out of this world’. A word which is very eerie eversince I was whispered by his azan when I was still an infant.

“ Now that you have grown tall and big, you can think on your own, make decision on your own and choose paths that’s really fits you well… You are on your own “. My eye become extremely rounded, rounder than that eye-of-Malaysia, that I thought that his words immediately means I need to pay the rent of the apartment room. The whole rent, electric, water and internet bills?. Worst my college fees. My heart skipped triple beat. It sounded like he is leaving everything down to me, cutting all ties. Along the way to Cyberjaya, I knew that his advice were more of deeper meaning that he wanted to convey, which he wanted me to realize that at 21, I should be in a way or another capable of making the best choice for myself. He had put much hope that with this kind of liberty, I would lead myself to someplace better and would not get too drunk in liberty since it can be damaging when not exercised properly.

Then, I realized that the moment has come when a big change has occurred. I recalled, that when I entered primary school, my dad always hit me when I did something wrong or inappropriate. All the privilege which I used to have when I was still a little tot are gradually lost and never ever felt again. At 14, it became more frequent that I’m being severe punished. Felt like life is dwindling into a world of invisible ‘curfews’ for almost everything. I’m not wrong this time that liberty is fully mine at 21^st , perhaps, as property planned by my parents, are the time when I shall be decide freely without much ‘veto-rization’.

Tomorrow I received a call from mom informing me that I have gotten the ‘kunci’ (key) in which she will never again interfered my decision, action and thoughts. She mentioned about reduced nagging session which made me smile a bit. She repeatedly mentioned ‘The key is all yours’. How should I respond? Yahoo! at the top of my lung? No. Infact, Worry irks me.

I admit, it was the best birthday present to be able becoming the sole-pilot of myself. Not much obstruction or interference from this moment on. It is a transition which I had anticipated for the past decade of my life. It is the perfect time to move on as how much longer would I be stuck with the ‘rules and regulation’ and time-consuming parental advisory, yet, there is serious doubt that I can handle this liberty very delicately as it demands. For surely, I lacked of brotherly figure to give views relevant to generation similar to mine. When a fatherly figure has decided that its significant power to intervene to be drastically reduced/withdrawn, I probably become virtually lost, in terms of guidance. It is like a leap of faith similar to that acrobat jumper which is thrown without anyone to grab. Which will be my prerogative of how should I grab the next rope, which hung is not covered by safety net.

As for now, I do not rely on single person for self-benchmarking. I had multiple friends which project qualities in different fields. Like the Malay sayings ambil yang jernih buang yang keruh ( Take the good, put away the bad ), I had observed them as an exemplary. Do I follow them?, honestly, it is not my way of doing things according to other people, but I had adjusted and indeed I did look them as mentor with many of them not realizing it.

It is a Malay proverb which really stirs the conscience to be less egoistic such as ‘ Sudah bodoh tak mahu diajar, sudah pandai kedekut mahu mengajar’ , in times like this the cold-harsh bit of reality has fully become the disciplinarian. Punishment of reality is sometime very shocking and tragic to bare. Like proposal to couple-up with an uptown girls being squarely rejected? . Nevermind, multiply it by seven.

As what precisely kind of treatment I will get, shall remain questionable as I have not back since PAS took hold of Kedah in March this year. Politics has nothing to do with parents-child relationship, yet the family institution is the smallest institution to govern, and there are style dealing with the various paradigm of family

One of the paradigm is the reality of the 7,14,21 stepping. I have reached the end of the stepping and wandering: What Next? The number 28 seems to echo a call for another commitment of a new dimension. And the 7,14,21 cycle would start all over again perhaps?